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Jan. 11th, 2026 03:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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agonyauntDear Eric: My husband has just one sibling, a brother. For many years, we all invited each other to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and other holidays. A few years ago, my brother-in-law and his wife stopped inviting us. (They still invite my husband's parents to everything).
We don't know the reason; there was no fight or misunderstanding or awkward interactions. We in turn no longer invite them to our smaller occasions. Weddings and other big occasions are different; everyone is invited.
However, every time we are celebrating our birthdays or anniversary, my husband starts insisting on inviting his brother. No matter how many times I remind him that they no longer invite us, he says it is still his only sibling and it's important to him that his brother be there.
I refuse to agree to invite them, the only exception I make is for my husband's birthday because that's him we are celebrating so he can invite them if he wants. They attend his birthday but do not reciprocate. It's very weird.
I still cannot figure out why it's important to have people at our table that do not care about seeing us at theirs.
Can you help me formulate a response that would stop my husband from asking me to invite them? Apparently my saying no every time for years and explaining why is not sufficient. I am tired of these arguments, and it does not change anything. I need an ironclad reason that he will agree with.
– Tired of the One-Way Street
( Read more... )
We don't know the reason; there was no fight or misunderstanding or awkward interactions. We in turn no longer invite them to our smaller occasions. Weddings and other big occasions are different; everyone is invited.
However, every time we are celebrating our birthdays or anniversary, my husband starts insisting on inviting his brother. No matter how many times I remind him that they no longer invite us, he says it is still his only sibling and it's important to him that his brother be there.
I refuse to agree to invite them, the only exception I make is for my husband's birthday because that's him we are celebrating so he can invite them if he wants. They attend his birthday but do not reciprocate. It's very weird.
I still cannot figure out why it's important to have people at our table that do not care about seeing us at theirs.
Can you help me formulate a response that would stop my husband from asking me to invite them? Apparently my saying no every time for years and explaining why is not sufficient. I am tired of these arguments, and it does not change anything. I need an ironclad reason that he will agree with.
– Tired of the One-Way Street
( Read more... )
An unexpected revelation
Jan. 11th, 2026 11:56 pmjames_davis_nicollHad a person wander into the 2nd floor corridor looking for the women's washroom. Alas, our 2nd floor women's washroom stopped being functional this week end so all I had to offer was three gender neutral washrooms... one of which is usually the men's.
Then it occurred to me the corridor she came from is from the "new" part of Hagey, the accounting section. While she was hesitating, looking unhappy at the choices offered, I asked if that was where she was from. She said yes, so I told her that section has a very nice (zero barrier) women's on the main floor. Off she went.
Once she was gone, it struck me as odd that she would wander as far as old Hum looking for a washroom.t.
I mentioned this to my supervisor and yeah, apparently because it's an expansion of Hagey, it didn't have to have all the amenities an independent building of the same size would have to have. Thus the comparative lack of washrooms, and a total lack of elevators.
Then it occurred to me the corridor she came from is from the "new" part of Hagey, the accounting section. While she was hesitating, looking unhappy at the choices offered, I asked if that was where she was from. She said yes, so I told her that section has a very nice (zero barrier) women's on the main floor. Off she went.
Once she was gone, it struck me as odd that she would wander as far as old Hum looking for a washroom.t.
I mentioned this to my supervisor and yeah, apparently because it's an expansion of Hagey, it didn't have to have all the amenities an independent building of the same size would have to have. Thus the comparative lack of washrooms, and a total lack of elevators.
Links: Illness and health, questioning assumptions
Jan. 11th, 2026 07:55 pmsonia“A history of post-viral conditions,” an excerpt from Invisible Illness at Sick Times, excerpted from Invisible Illness: A History, From Hysteria to Long Covid by Emily Mendenhall.
"The Sick Times is an independent news site founded by journalists Betsy Ladyzhets and Miles Griffis. We report on the Long COVID crisis, COVID-19, and infection-associated illnesses."
(On a lighter note) 6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?' by Jacalyn Wetzel, Upworthy staff.
A Culture of Resilience by Lindsey Foltz, a beautifully written and photographed exploration of home food preserving in Bulgaria.
What the World Got Wrong About Autistic People by Ludmila N. Praslova, Ph.D., SHRM-SCP viaandrewducker.
Medicine has transformed radically since Hippocrates. yet, there remains reticence to embrace the ways in which viral infections fuel long-term neurological and systemic disorders that can radically transform someone’s health. The striking parallels between the Spanish flu and post-viral syndromes that have emerged throughout history emphasize how much information we do have, and how history may be our greatest teacher.
"The Sick Times is an independent news site founded by journalists Betsy Ladyzhets and Miles Griffis. We report on the Long COVID crisis, COVID-19, and infection-associated illnesses."
(On a lighter note) 6th grader's science experiment answers, 'Do cat buttholes touch every surface they sit on?' by Jacalyn Wetzel, Upworthy staff.
The results? Turns out that, no, cat buttholes do not touch every surface cats sit on. Now, let's all take a collective sigh of relief while we go over the details.
A Culture of Resilience by Lindsey Foltz, a beautifully written and photographed exploration of home food preserving in Bulgaria.
[I]ndustrial and small-scale agriculture; cultivated and wild foods; formal and informal economies; leisure and work do not function as stark polarities but rather in interconnecting, mutually supportive relationships through which home preservers practice, develop, and share their craft. The entanglement of formal and informal economies, domestic and wild foods, smallholders and industrial farms, local and global influences visible in everyday food practices in Bulgaria specifically and Eastern Europe more broadly condense in household cellars. As the cellar tour I describe below illustrates, these uniquely social practices provide resilience in terms of food security and the ability to pursue something more than mere survival.
What the World Got Wrong About Autistic People by Ludmila N. Praslova, Ph.D., SHRM-SCP via
andrewducker.Prejudice is one reason decades of research got autism so wrong. Researchers measured autistic people against neurotypical expectations and called every difference a deficit. They tested empathy by measuring in-group preference and missed commitment to universal fairness. They measured creativity by counting the number of ideas and missed originality. They saw moral consistency and called it rigidity. They saw deep engagement and called it rigidity. They saw sensory richness and called it disorder.
Most critically, they failed to ask autistic people about their inner experiences. They studied autism without genuinely listening to the autistic perspective. For decades, science examined autistic people through a lens of pathology and deficit, rather than dignity, comparing us to animals while missing our humanity. But autistic people don't lack humanity. Research just lacked the humanity to see it.
not quite a plot bunny, more like a plot "that would be interesting"...
Jan. 11th, 2026 09:57 pmlannamichaelsA Parent Trap AU where the twins (either set) don't end up at the same sleepaway camp, but then do some kind of DNA matching thing to try to find out about their missing parent/if they have siblings, and discover the whole situation, because their parents never came clean to them about it.
I can't figure out a plot, so maybe just a brief drabble or something?
Either set of twins would be interesting for this; with the original set, it would add a lot because they'd possibly be grandparents by that point, so this could be something their kids suggest, as a "oh, now there's this way you might be able to find out more" (of course, for the twin raised by the father, there is definitely the "this is the name on the mother on the birth certificate", although in the remake IIRC she does know her mother's name?), and then discover that there's a sibling, and meeting the sibling and realizing it has to be a twin, and trying to figure out, at this late date, the mystery of what the fuck happened.
Or with the remake twins, the parents are likely still around, and so there could be a lot of either demanding answers, or some kind of "whoops, it's the other twin who comes for Christmas".
Whole book: "Mutual Aid"
Jan. 11th, 2026 07:54 pmsoniaMutual Aid by Dean Spade is a whole book available online. Subtitle: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (and the Next).
I've only read a little bit of this, despite having it open in a tab for months. It feels hopeful, experienced, and direct, so I hope to read the rest eventually.
This book provides a concrete guide for building mutual aid groups and networks. Part I explores what mutual aid is, why it is different than charity, and how it relates to other social movement tactics. Part II dives into the nitty-gritty of how to work together in mutual aid groups and how to handle the challenges of group decision-making, conflict, and burnout. It includes charts and lists that can be brought to group meetings to stimulate conversation and build shared analysis and group practices. Ultimately, helps imagine how we can coordinate to collectively take care of ourselves—even in the face of disaster—and mobilize hundreds of millions of people to make deep and lasting change.
I've only read a little bit of this, despite having it open in a tab for months. It feels hopeful, experienced, and direct, so I hope to read the rest eventually.
Snowflake (days 5-6) and Taskmaster NYT
Jan. 11th, 2026 07:43 pmhamsterwoman
Challenge #5: In your own space, create a list of at least three things you'd love to receive, a wishlist of sorts.
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fandomtrees reveals got pushed to Jan 17 because there are still some trees (16 as of this posting) that don’t have the minimum amount of gifts (at least 2) necessary for reveals. So, any fills for the needy trees listed here (real-time updates at the Google spreadsheet). Most of the fandoms I don’t know anything about (but hopefully some of you do!), but of the ones I do, there’s a request for the Raven Cycle, Discworld, and some Original Work requests, and a niche rec request. - My tree does have the minimum number of gifts, so is not holding up the fest opening, but does list all kinds of things I want (fandoms: Chronicles of Amber, Discworld, Dragaera, Rivers of London, Taskmaster, Terra Ignota, Vorkosigan Saga, and critter art).
( More specific requests for Dragaera, Taskmaster, Elis&John fandoms and crossovers/fusions )
- I included this in last year’s Snowflake wishlist and it worked really well, so doing it again: I'm planning on Doing the Hugo Awards (and hopefully Worldcon) this year, and have just recently come to the realization that if I'm going to nominate some short fiction, I should actually, like, read some that was published in 2025. So, looking for recs for "Hugo-worthy" SFF short stories and novelettes published in 2025 that are ideally accessible online. Authors who tend to semi-reliably work for me in short form are Sarah Pinsker, Kelly Link, and Naomi Kritzer, to give some sense of what I like. And also happy for any recs for published-in-2025 novellas, Related Works, and dramatic presentation short form things (<90 min) that are standalone (i.e. not episodes of a serial show, but either a short(ish) film or part of an anthology show but standalone), and Astounding-eligible authors to check out.
Challenge #6: Top 10 Challenge. The category(ies) you choose are up to you. You can give top 10 Fics you read last year, the top 10 songs to create to, the to 10 guest stars on your favorite show, top 10 characters in your favorite book series, top 10... well, you get the idea.
After some consideration, I’m going to do my Top 10 Dragons :) I’m currently reading a book with dragons (To Shape a Dragon’s Breath, which I’m enjoying a lot), whose dragons are, so far, somewhat different than I’d been expecting, and that’s been making me think about various other fictional dragons I’ve known and loved and the universes they come from, so I figured I’d make a list of my favorites.
They can be dragons that can assume human form, or even spend most of their time in said human form, but they can’t be just humans who are for some reason called Dragons (i.e. no Sarkan from Uprooted or the Dragaeran Dragonlords). Moreover, I tried to keep it to one dragon per canon. So here we go!
( Top 10 dragons )
What about YOUR favorite dragons? Introduce me / sway me over to any I might've missed, or squee with me about my favorites :)
*
I think I was actually low-key avoiding the Taskmaster New Year Treat because I subconsciously resented it for being 2 episodes when I wanted CoC to be 2 episodes, lol. But I have watched it now, and it was fun!
Part 1 – Ooh, I knew one of the contestants (Rose) was deaf, but it was still jarring to see her interpreter sitting there next to Alex. Alex’s banter (OBE/oboe) and the several layers of bad joke was pretty fun. ( More, with spoilers )
My midpoint impressions are that I do enjoy Susie, but in exactly the same way I enjoyed her on Catsdown, so the “revelations” are Sam and Rose, who are both extremely adorable cuties whose cheeks I want to pinch. I’m very meh on the others – Jill’s doing well, but is a bit deadpan for me, and also I’m not a fan of how she brings up football all the time – like, I don’t feel like I’ve learned anything about her outside of her football career (in stark contrast to David James, who mentioned some footballers or travels associated with playing football, but talked about things like painting and just came across as a delightful massive weirdo – IDK, goalkeepers are different, I guess, was the consensus at the time). Apparently even the cat costume, which I did find cute, is a football reference, to her local football team, which someone on Reddit said she said in the studio taping. And Big Zuu is just kind of there… It sounds like he’s a charming person to work with, from all the podcasts, but as a viewer I have not been charmed.
Anyway, I don’t mind spending another episode with these guys!
Part 2 – Greg made me laugh out loud with his Alex intro: ( More, with spoilers )
And of course there was also the Series 21 cast reveal. ( Spoilers? )
I still have some Taskmaster stuff to catch up on – Acaster’s ultimate episode, the next installment of Taskmastermind, and some outtakes. But meanwhile ( WILTY has returned and is being a lot of fun )
Scoville.
Jan. 11th, 2026 09:31 pmhannahSome months ago, in an attempt to clear some congestion, I started adding ghost pepper flakes to my morning eggs. A few weeks ago, in an attempt to punch up the spice, I started adding a crushed up chile de árbol or two. Now I'm finding the issue with a meal's heat isn't the spiciness, but the temperature when it's served right from the stove.
I've now realized I don't have much of a context for what constitutes spiciness anymore. I can tell when there's some heat, I can tell when there's a fair amount of heat, and I'm going to have to keep looking for ways to get the kinds of lovely warm, playful sensations from good restaurants into my own kitchen. But not until I work through more of this bottle of ghost pepper flakes, because I've only got so much room in my apartment - which I suppose is all the more reason to try the Calabrian chili oil I bought on impulse a little while ago.
I've now realized I don't have much of a context for what constitutes spiciness anymore. I can tell when there's some heat, I can tell when there's a fair amount of heat, and I'm going to have to keep looking for ways to get the kinds of lovely warm, playful sensations from good restaurants into my own kitchen. But not until I work through more of this bottle of ghost pepper flakes, because I've only got so much room in my apartment - which I suppose is all the more reason to try the Calabrian chili oil I bought on impulse a little while ago.
The Left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin
Jan. 11th, 2026 09:59 pmtroisoiseauxRead The Left Hand of Darkness (1969) by Ursula K. Le Guin, because I've been trying to catch up on my neglected sci-fi classics; it was a fascinating read. This book is famously interesting for the way it plays with gender, being set in an "ambisexual" world (essentially, everyone can, theoretically, physically both bear and beget children) narrated mostly by a character from Earth(?) who grapples with this societal genderlessness by referring to everyone as a "man" and using he/him pronouns— which I found threw me off more than, say, the universal she/her in Ann Leckie's Imperial Radch series?— but I was just really struck overall by the way that Le Guin uses language to fling the reader headfirst into this alien world: she uses made-up words for recognizable concepts, and recognizable English words as signifiers for world-specific/made-up concepts, and you've just sort of got to puzzle it out as you go. I was also surprised to discover that the one plot point I'd known about going in - ( ... ) - actually takes up less of the novel, and occurs later in it, than I had expected.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )
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Now-ish
Jan. 12th, 2026 02:27 amgrrlpupMore vegetables, more library books, more square dancing — and the weirdly mild weather continues.
in January!
The avgolemono turned out delicious. Whole wheat orzo is slightly chewier than regular, but very suitable for the soup. A note for next time: the tempering of the egg and lemon with the hot broth worked fine, but the egg itself needs to be very well beaten first– a few scraps of unmixed egg white became apparent when they cooked. I might try it with leek broth, as we have leek tops more often than chicken bones to make broth with… maybe with a little less lemon because there’s less fat to mellow it out?
Yesterday I attended two, count ’em two, social events. Evening was the Black and White Ball edition of our club’s monthly square dance. I was more like “stagehand” in all black and not-at-all-dressy, but that’s what I got. This is the one month when I make a concerted effort to follow the theme– unlike the several rainbow months, it really stands out if I don’t.
And before that, in the afternoon I caught the bus to a New Year’s party for Oregon Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. I joined SCBWI before retiring (in the final burst of spending down my professional development funds) but this was my first in-person event. Kidlit people are so nice, you guys! Everybody was happy to talk and there were library-themed table decorations and name tags and plenty of snacks. I ducked out early to catch the bus home again, but life seemed brighter after going than it had before. Is this how extroverts feel? Now I’m thinking I’ll go to the one-day conference in May, in Hillsboro.
A routine is finally settling in with my own work. I’m more viscerally aware that it’s up to me to decide on and generate that work, and no one else particularly cares. It’s both freeing and unnerving.
Thursday I’m signed up for a bird walk down at the rhododendron gardens by the college. I’m a lackadaisical birder at best, but it’s a nice chance to see the gardens for free– I haven’t been there in years and will be curious to see if anything’s blooming early.
This post originates at everyday though not every day. Comments welcome here or there.
ships20in20 > Various Fandoms & Ships
Jan. 11th, 2026 09:13 pmflareonfury posting in fandom_iconsMultiple ships for Round 4 of ships20in20.
Preview
sooo many ships, so little time....
Fandoms & Ships:
Charmed (Abigael/Mel #6 & AC#2), Heartstopper (Charlie/Nick #7, AC#3 & #4), High Potential (Adam/Morgan catgeory), Grimm (Nick/Adalind #4 & AC#1), MCU (Carol/Yon AC#5), Nancy Drew (Nancy/Ace #1 & #3, Nancy/Ace/Bes #9), Siren (Ben/Ryn #10), Singin' in the Rain (Don/Cosmo/Kathy #2 & #7), X-Men Evolution (Scott/Rogue #4)
ships20in20.Preview
sooo many ships, so little time....
Fandoms & Ships:
Charmed (Abigael/Mel #6 & AC#2), Heartstopper (Charlie/Nick #7, AC#3 & #4), High Potential (Adam/Morgan catgeory), Grimm (Nick/Adalind #4 & AC#1), MCU (Carol/Yon AC#5), Nancy Drew (Nancy/Ace #1 & #3, Nancy/Ace/Bes #9), Siren (Ben/Ryn #10), Singin' in the Rain (Don/Cosmo/Kathy #2 & #7), X-Men Evolution (Scott/Rogue #4)
Leech, by Hiron Ennes
Jan. 12th, 2026 01:15 amdhampyresaI was so disappointed by this book.
Part of this is on me: I had somehow gotten it in my head this was modern day and was looking forward to seeing how "hivemind took over the entire medical profession undetected" aspect of the premise would play out. The setting is not modern day, it's set some indeterminate amount of time (over 500 years) after some sort of apocalypse (fair, and an interesting setting itself) and people are aware to varying degrees aware that there is Something Wrong TM with the Institute.
The main part of the disappointment is that the book keeps bringing up concepts and then... Not Doing Anything with them. Spoilers from here on out. Our PoV character loses access to the hivemind fairly early on. Helen's miscarriages and/or the twins having supernatural powers never goes anywhere. The baron seems aware that he is hosting pseudomycota and even might be working with it? Let's never speak of this again! The idea that "If you’re born in Verdira, you die in Verdira" is brought up and we get told what happens is someone born there tries to leave, but that goes nowhere. /End spoilers
It is so disappointing and frustrating. It all just goes fucking nowhere!
Also I found the written accent annoying.
I did enjoy the hivemind parts, I guess.
Part of this is on me: I had somehow gotten it in my head this was modern day and was looking forward to seeing how "hivemind took over the entire medical profession undetected" aspect of the premise would play out. The setting is not modern day, it's set some indeterminate amount of time (over 500 years) after some sort of apocalypse (fair, and an interesting setting itself) and people are aware to varying degrees aware that there is Something Wrong TM with the Institute.
The main part of the disappointment is that the book keeps bringing up concepts and then... Not Doing Anything with them. Spoilers from here on out. Our PoV character loses access to the hivemind fairly early on. Helen's miscarriages and/or the twins having supernatural powers never goes anywhere. The baron seems aware that he is hosting pseudomycota and even might be working with it? Let's never speak of this again! The idea that "If you’re born in Verdira, you die in Verdira" is brought up and we get told what happens is someone born there tries to leave, but that goes nowhere. /End spoilers
It is so disappointing and frustrating. It all just goes fucking nowhere!
Also I found the written accent annoying.
I did enjoy the hivemind parts, I guess.
Fandom Snowflake Challenge #6
Jan. 11th, 2026 04:06 pmtjs_whatnot posting in snowflake_challengeIntroduction Post*
Meet the Mods Post
Challenge #1 *
Challenge #2*
Challenge #3*
Challenge #4* Challenge #5 *
Sorry for the delay! It's been... a day. But no matter! Hopefully you had some time to catch up, to talk with new friends... or to nap. 😍
Remember that there is no official deadline, so feel free to join in at any time, or go back and do challenges you've missed.
( Fandom Snowflake Challenge #6 ) And please do check out the comments for all the awesome participants of the challenge and visit their journals/challenge responses to comment on their posts and cheer them on.
And just as a reminder: this is a low pressure, fun challenge. If you aren't comfortable doing a particular challenge, then don't. We aren't keeping track of who does what.
Sorry for the delay! It's been... a day. But no matter! Hopefully you had some time to catch up, to talk with new friends... or to nap. 😍
Remember that there is no official deadline, so feel free to join in at any time, or go back and do challenges you've missed.
( Fandom Snowflake Challenge #6 ) And please do check out the comments for all the awesome participants of the challenge and visit their journals/challenge responses to comment on their posts and cheer them on.
And just as a reminder: this is a low pressure, fun challenge. If you aren't comfortable doing a particular challenge, then don't. We aren't keeping track of who does what.
1/11/2026 Valle Vista Staging Area Riche Loop
Jan. 11th, 2026 01:11 pmmrkinchI parked about 9 and was pleasantly surprised that it was not horribly cold. No wind helped, and I went in my jacket over four thin layers (silk, wool, poly, but still). I hadn't been there in well over a year, yikes! It was a lovely morning, but semi solitude even up on Riche Loop didn't last long on a Sunday. I chose Sunday for lack of school traffic and the Loop because I would get a look at the reservoir without going all the way out, but neither worked as well as I'd hoped. But there were Western Bluebirds in the parking lot and California Thrashers were singing, and I was quite happy. ( The list: )
A pair of coyotes were hunting at the bottom of the trail where it most closely approaches the reservoir, but I waited and moved slowly, and they each wandered away from the trail enough for me to pass. I'd thought that after I walked the Loop I'd take the other trail at least to the bridge, but there were so many people by then I went home. I'll try to go again soon, school traffic be damned.
A pair of coyotes were hunting at the bottom of the trail where it most closely approaches the reservoir, but I waited and moved slowly, and they each wandered away from the trail enough for me to pass. I'd thought that after I walked the Loop I'd take the other trail at least to the bridge, but there were so many people by then I went home. I'll try to go again soon, school traffic be damned.